Wizards sign an actual wizard to a three-day contract.

By Editor-in-chief

March 11, 2025

The Washington Wizards have had enough of losing games. After underwhelming performances from their rookies, the team is now looking to the mystic arts for help. Self-proclaimed wizard Alastor Moody-Merlin will get his first start at guard Monday. “Yeah, it’s crazy, but this team needs a little crazy right now,” a team spokesperson said. The Wizards attempted a similar move in 2004 when they started a magician at power forward, but this move failed when he couldn’t rebound and only did card tricks instead.